Have you ever made a cup of tea for your mum when she’s taking a short break from the endless chores she does in a day? Yes? Saw that big smile on her face? Have you ever given a lollipop to the little-famished boy who’s always standing at the traffic signal near your house? Saw the twinkle in his eyes?

Each one of us makes someone or the other happy in our own small way. Here’s an interesting little story that made me, and will surely make you, want to do it more often.

Ubuntu (oo-boon-too) is a Zulu word and an African concept that helps you appreciate the essence of being human. It urges you to go that extra mile for the sake of someone else, care for others and acknowledge the humanity in others.

Ubuntu means ‘I am because we are’. This signifies that you are a human being because others acknowledge you as one and vice-versa. In a way, it tells us that all of us complete each other.

Many years ago, an anthropologist went to Africa to learn more about this. He went to study a tribe called ‘Ubuntu’. While he stayed there, he learnt a whole lot of things about their culture, their habits and customs. He envied the way they thought for each other, always moved around together and valued each other.

It was his last day with them and once he finished his work, he waited for a cab to pick him up and drop him at the airport. He wanted to spend his last few hours there with the lovely children of the tribe. He thought of an idea - to bring them together by playing a game. The reward for winning was a beautifully decorated hamper full of candies and chocolates.

He drew a line on the ground and got the kids to stand behind it. The hamper was placed under a tree a few hundred meters away. He instructed them to run as fast as they could at his call, to get the hamper.

The super excited bunch of kids was ready. He said “go” and something really surprising happened.

Instead of running along in their own paths, the children held each other’s hands to run towards the tree, together.

The children ran as fast as they could and got the hamper. The candies were too hard to resist so they quickly opened it and happily shared it. Thoroughly confused, he asked them why they didn’t run on their own, knowing that the winner could have got all the goodies to herself/himself?

A small girl who was still having the last bite of her candy said, “How can anyone of us be happy when the others are sad?”

He was left dumbfounded. This little girl told him something that never crossed his mind even at that age. He spent months together studying this tribe but had really learnt his biggest lesson that day. They value being human more than anything else. They think of others before they think of themselves and because this is inculcated in them since childhood, it comes effortlessly to them.

A powerful lesson for all of us indeed. How many of us put others before ourselves? Is this really possible while each of us is a part of the rat race that the world is a part of right now? Is it so difficult for us to think about others?

When a child is growing up, as parents, we teach her/him to focus only on her/his game and strive towards being a winner. Are we running to win or only to defeat others?

There is a thin line of difference between the two. Winning is good but winning together is great!

We are all struggling to make a mark only for ourselves. But think about it, the essence of ubuntu is not only true to our personal lives, but also at work. Organisations pay millions of dollars to foster teamwork and conduct collaborative exercises for their employees to break silos, acknowledge each other and work together.  They spend so much time on building trust and creating cohesive teams. This surely is a big factor for winning as a team.

Another classic example of ubuntu is what Jeff Weiner, the CEO of LinkedIn did when the share price of the company tanked by almost 40% in 2016. LinkedIn is known for rewarding employees with stock options that has resulted in many of them making some good money over the years. With such a drop in the price and a big cut in compensation, employee morale was bound to get affected.  

That’s when Weiner gave up his own stock grant of $14 million and asked for it to be allocated to the employee stock pool instead. This is not only about great leadership, but also an inspiration on how to put others before your own self. Jeff Weiner was successful in boosting employee morale even during a crisis.

It wasn’t necessary for him to do so. He could have taken his share, lost out on some employees, hired some more once conditions stabilised and moved on. He didn’t ask himself whether he could make a difference. He asked himself, “What difference will I make?”

So, here’s an idea. Try to make a small difference in someone’s life every day, starting today.  Start by thinking of others at par with yourself (if not before yourself) while doing anything. Remember you are, because they are. See the difference it will make to others and to you. It will make you a happier person.

As a leader at work, think about your team before you think of yourself. Recognise and appreciate others efforts. You’ll be surprised to see what the team is then willing to do for the organisation in return.

At home, a little gesture is enough to make your loved ones happy. Spend quality time together. Surprise them. See how their happiness increases two-fold and becomes yours when you know you’re the reason behind it!

Make a difference. Become the reason for someone’s happiness. Spread smiles. Live life – the Ubuntu way!

Listening to someone can save a life!

After cutting her arm with a broken glass, she fell into a fitful and exhausted sleep on the railway station platform in London. Early the next morning, she got up painfully to her feet to make her way to the station toilets. She looked at herself in the mirror and cried. She could barely recognise herself. Her face was dirty and stained, and her clothes were torn and stained with blood. She started to wash herself.

The wounds needed to be stitched. They would start bleeding as soon as she touched them. But she knew she couldn’t go to the hospital because they would send her back home. The place she hated the most. Her mother had estranged her a year ago and she was being physically abused by her father and his friends every single day. Every night she would sleep, wishing that she wouldn’t wake up the next morning. She was devastated.

There was only one thing she could think of doing at that time. She painfully walked over to the PCO booth outside the station.

“Samaritans, can I help you?” “Hello? Can I help you,” said the lady who answered her call.

The girl cried, “I don’t know.”

“My name is Pam, what can I call you? Where are you speaking from?"

The girl continued to cry but answered Pam’s questions. She said, “Calling from a phone box in London. I want to die. If my father doesn’t kill me, I want to do it myself.”

Pam asked the girl her age and got to know that she’s only 14 years old. She gently asked her some more questions about herself.

The girl’s name was Sophie Andrews and she had called Samaritans - a 24/7 UK based confidential helpline for anyone who might be feeling depressed, or suicidal.

Sophie called Samaritans regularly during those years not because she needed advice, but because it was just so comforting to have someone listening to her at the other end. She caught up on her studies, managed to persuade someone to give her a job and she survived the abuse rather than becoming a victim.

When Sophie turned 21, she called the helpline again. But this time, it was to ask them if she could volunteer to be a Samaritan too. Over the years, that vulnerable caller eventually went on to become the national leader of the organisation who was responsible for 22,000 other volunteers!

Today, she gives complete credit of this transformation to someone who was always there to listen to her when she was desperate and suicidal. A volunteer giving up time and listening to her without any judgement and keeping it confidential had a huge, life-changing impact on her.

In a way to pay back, in 2013 she set up a national helpline in the UK for lonely and isolated older people. ‘The Silver Line’ has taken more than 1.5 million calls till date! Some people call because they are lonely and looking for a friendly chat, others call to report abuse or simply because they have given up on life. They have Silver Circles, which are group/conference calls for people to share their interests with each other. People connect through these circles and play musical instruments they are passionate about, for others to listen. The Silver Line gets some phenomenal response and feedback from their callers.

Older people who have no one to talk to, call up and just speak their hearts out. They now consider volunteers as part of their own family.  

Quite often callers start by saying, “Could you please give me some advice on….?” And 25 minutes later, by the end of the call, they say, “Thank you so much for your advice!” and volunteers realise they haven’t given any! It’s amazing how a listener can listen without interruption and lead the caller to find a solution all by himself.

In a recent survey conducted by The Silver Line, some callers were asked about what this service meant to them. An old man came back and said, for the first time in life, he felt that he had what we could call a ‘wicketkeeper’ in cricket and a ‘catcher’ in baseball.

Everyone needs a catcher at some point or the other in their lives. Sophie considers herself lucky in life. Lucky to have a catcher alongside her at that time, who may be believed in her and in turn, helped her believe in herself just a little bit more.

It’s surprising how we can sometimes underestimate the power of a simple human connection. Genuinely listening to someone can help them overcome the toughest phase of their life.

How many of us actually listen to others?  We do. But, mostly to give our advice on what the other person is saying. We have our counter-questions ready before she/he even completes what she/he has to say.

Listening is the most important ingredient for building healthy relationships, great teams and emerging as a great leader.

In his iconic book, ‘How to win friends and influence people’, Dale Carnegie has shared some golden rules –

Be a good listener, encourage others to talk about themselves, become genuinely interested in others, try to honestly see things from the other person’s point of view and be sympathetic to the other person’s ideas.  Perhaps, it would be a good idea to use at least some of these because everyone loves being listened to.

Think about it. We tend to fall for those who listen to us, vote for people who listen to us and also buy the products or services of those who listen to us! Powerful. Isn’t it?

If you want to help someone, the best way to do it is to empathetically listen to them. Don’t judge or jump to conclusions. You don’t know what she/he might be going through. Listen to lead the person to find a solution for himself. Sometimes, giving no advice is the best advice you might give.

Become someone’s catcher. Listen because you care. Remember. It has the power to save a life!